Crazy Town...

I have decided to move and now my life is upside-down. Partly because I am a procrastinator...I will wait until the last damn minute to finish packing. Why? I have no clue, but let me tell you I am hell on wheels once I get going! One would think that once I was aware of the problem (which I have been for years) that I would correct said problem....ummm no...this is apparently not how I roll. So I will slowly work through my house and pack here and there, all the while staring at my back yard hoping someone will magically appear to mow it for me. FYI, that has not happened yet either.

I had 5 days off this Memorial Day weekend. Three of them were spent driving in nearly every direction on the map. I have two more days at my current job and then I am off until I leave on Saturday....man I hope I can get everything fricking done. Please pray for me if you feel moved to do so 😬 I think I'm going to need it lol!

Thursday was spent driving 3 hours southeast to my new home to be, to look at a few potential places to live and then driving 3 hours back with nothing decided. Friday, my sister and I drove 2 hours to the west for my eye dr. appt and to check out some downtown businesses we had wanted to stop into. It was a good day for me and even better day for my sister as she ran into a few good friends that she had not seen in many years. Oddly enough all of them at the same restaurant, one set while we were there eating and the others later on when we went back to move her van before the time ran out on the meter. She was blown away and it just added to the great day we were already having. I then spent Saturday and Sunday at home (and yes I did accomplish some packing).
Then today I drove 2 hours to the north to spend the day with my sister, her family and my mom for my mom's birthday. Her birthday is actually tomorrow, but as we all have today off we decided to do it today, and honestly my mom will not know. She has been in a nursing home since October, sinking into the hazy abyss of dementia. I am glad I was able to be there today as this may be the last time she sees me and knows who I am. Her decline has moved at a very rapid pace the last couple months. I truly believe it is easier for her to talk to us on the phone rather than in person...she recognizes our voices, while our faces seem to confuse her. It has been hard on my daughter as well...since she does not live close by, her grandmother has struggled for many months to remember who she is, sometimes succeeding, but most times not. Ironically enough my mom always makes a point to ask me about my grandkids, although I don't think she's quite sure how they are related, she does know they are important to me. She loves looking at new pictures of them, which I make sure to show her every time I visit. It was hard today, to see that vague look in her eyes and not knowing if she truly knows who we are. Her low, jumbled words that slowly trail off as we nod and smile, agreeing to whatever bit of information she believes she has given us.
I do not wish this disease on anyone or anyone they know. It robs you of the person you know, a walking empty shell that looks like your loved one. She will have forgotten the gifts we gave her and the picnic style meal we brought for her today before she goes to bed tonight, but we'll remember it all.
Hug your loved ones and spend as much time as you can with them. I am moving so I can be closer to my daughter and her family. I have a great relationship with them and my grandchildren...I don't want to lose that, indeed I want to watch it grow even more. I want to see them whenever we have time. I want my grandchildren to come spend the weekend with me and bug their mom to go to grandma's house. My grandson is nearly 4 and my granddaughter is 5 1/2. They are growing so fast and my daughter (who is in the military) will be moving in 3 years time who-knows-where. I want this time with them...and so off I go...to live in a beautiful town I have always wanted to live in, a mere 40 minutes from the base they live on. I will continue to write, although probably not until I get settled, but I will keep going and I can't wait get at it. Life is for living....are you living yours?

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