A Dog's Life

I apologize for the long emptiness of posts here recently, but things have been a bit draining.

My faithful companion of 14 years, Saber, was having a really hard time...he was in a great amount of pain with his hips and back legs (which have been an issue most of his life) and was only eating now and again. The new medication the vet put him on caused other issues, including trouble with his bowels, too much blood, until he finally stopped eating all together. I stopped giving him the medication, but he still wouldn't or couldn't eat. He ate only 3 days out of his last 10. Finally I couldn't do it anymore...I couldn't bear to see him in so much pain and distress...so I made one of the hardest decisions in my life. I decided to have my friend put down. I cried for days before I even made the decision, as I knew that was where all this was leading, and I cried the whole day of. I stayed home from work to be with him. We sat outside for awhile and enjoyed the nice breeze and the bright sunshine. He tilted his head up with his eyes closed, soaking in the soft rays. Then he laid down and rested in his head in my lap. And there we stayed, with me stroking his silky black head, until he was ready to go back in the house. We sat together on the floor all day, with him always touching me or with his big head in my lap. 

He did manage to take 2 small bites of his favorite thing in the world, peanut butter sandwiches, later that afternoon. It made me happy and unsure at the same time. Should I really do this? Maybe if we tried something else he would get better? Then I looked at his gray face and those expressive eyes and I couldn't bring myself to cause him anymore suffering. These last two weeks had been so hard on him. He deserved better. He deserved to be free from all of it.

I know if he could talk he would have told me he was okay...that he could do it, but we both knew better. I can't even type this without crying still....I'm trying to see the computer screen through the haze of my tears. 

When I had to put my last dog down (she was 15) it was matter of fact. Her kidneys had failed. There was no fixing it. I took her to the vet and held her close one last time while they sent her on her way. And I cried. She was sweet, and shy and quirky and I loved her. 

Saber, he was my boy. He was found running the streets of the town I lived in at the time and I brought him home to be a companion to my quiet girl. He was a 4 month old starving stray who would eat everything in sight for about the first two weeks we had him. I promised him I would feed him every day and take care of him....and I did. My daughter loved him just as much. She was around 14 when we brought him home. She's now 28, married, with 2 children and 2 dogs of her own. I asked her if she wanted to come see him before he moved on, but schedules wouldn't allow it and granted it was pretty short notice. She also admitted she didn't think she could. It would be too hard to say goodbye. I agreed.

He slept on the right side of my bed for most of his life. He had his own blanket that covered my comforter on that side and his own pillows...yes he slept with his head on the pillows. When it got to be too much to get on the bed on his own, I helped him up, which isn't easy with a 100 pd dog, and when he decided that was too much as well he (and his comforter) moved to the floor on my side of the bed. Which turned out to be both lovely and annoying at the same time. He was black so I couldn't see him in the dark and any time I had to get up during the night it was an acrobatic feat so I didn't step on him or trip over him. I really miss him being there. 

I had the vet come to the house as it was too hard to bring him to them...and it would be like adding insult to injury in the attempt. He should be at home. I sat in front of him as he laid on a blanket in his spot on the living room floor. I held his head and told him how much I loved him and that it was going to be okay. He never looked away...he never flinched. Those big dark eyes held mine until after he was gone. The vet and his assistant left us alone while I held him and cried some more. They were great to us both and I thank them. The card they sent me afterwards was incredibly thoughtful. I watched as they took him away then sat on the floor and cried until I couldn't anymore. That was August 7th. It still makes me sad and I'm still crying. I had 3 pets at that time together...my cat Neekie, the dogs Lacey and Saber. Their all gone now....and all together again. He was the last of them. Here's to my sweet, sweet boy. I miss you all.